to drown the soul in a mountain of work? some days this sounds quite perfect. to stay busy is to pass the colder months and the colder times with more efficiency. what is it in the world that makes me more capable of loving with every let-down? what is it about colder days that fills my heart with more determined love and seriousness?

some mornings make me want to go adventuring, and take in paintings through my eyes, and galavant around with hot tea in my mittened hand, and look at people and look at parks covered in frost. i can wake up feeling blue and turn it into fuel for my fight for a real and full life.

i'm trying to detach myself from notions, and from people, and from memories, and from a need for anything. i'm trying to be as wild as an african lion.