2.26.07

why do i see people with the fucking sun in their eyes become so saddened by the world around them? it's because they have the sun in their eyes. but it's these people, who know the sun is in their eyes and yet refuse to look away, that end up knowing the sun and its magnificence better than those who don't bother to look, or those who look for a second and then look away once they realize how much it hurts, or those who look into it and refuse to really see it for what it is, or those who let themselves be blinded by it and refuse to believe that anyone else can see any of it for more than a split second because they, due to their blindness, no longer can. i've known all of these people and it is those who look into it yet refuse to be blinded by it - those who look into it and refuse to look away - that come to truly know the beauty of their world and the meaning of their world in the most astounding way. once they get used to the glare i know that they'll forget how much it can hurt and they'll dance with the others who have sun in their eyes, too. once they look at it they know there is no looking away and they know that there's no going back. perhaps they could go back if it weren't for the fact that they know that doing so is foolish and silly. but they do know this fact. and they won't look away. and it's these people who realize that they were born with the same sunlight running through their blood and immersed in their words and seeping out of every piece of the world around them.

and if they look away, they'll remember what they saw, and maybe the loss of that will pain them until they look into it again. and if they are blinded by it, maybe the last image of what they have seen will be enough to sustain them even if things seem dark. and if they refuse to look, maybe they will gaze in awe and wonder at those who are bold enough to do so, and maybe this wonder and awe will sustain them and the knowledge of something better will keep them moving until they have the courage to try to look themselves.

but what it boils down to is the truth in the following: i have faith in those people who have faith in other people, and who have faith in themselves and in the potential of human interaction and in patience and in effort. i've lost lots of pieces of sunlight in my time and i know that they're never really gone, and they're never really snuffed. and the light that's left to absorb is infinite and can make that which is lost, in time, fondly remembered due to its ability to remind the self of the inifinitude of that which is left to experience.